starting Strong in divorce and co-parenting

Clients are often surprised to find out that we start our new coaching relationship, not by digging into their story, analyzing conflict in their relationship, or facing their fears of divorce, but by working through the Best-Self Exercise. In the face of the stress and needs of divorce, why would we use the first session to complete this exercise?

The answer is this- in the divorce and co-parenting process, the most important conflict is not between exes and co-parents, it's between two versions of ourselves, our base-self, and our best-self. Divorce and all the fears it brings to the surface can turn a person into the worst version of themselves. As Debra Doak (my mentor) says, "Divorce makes normal people stupid, and stupid people go to jail." The Best-Self exercise is a tool I use to remind my clients, and my clients use to remind themselves, of who they are when they are operating within their deepest values, their finest interests, and their highest goals.

The Best-Self Exercise doesn't stop at that high point, though. It's also designed to paint a picture of what's going on when we are operating as our base-self. Maybe it's fear that brings it out, maybe it's frustration, or jealousy, or sadness, maybe it's a combination of these, but whatever it is, it turns us into the worst version of ourselves.

You've heard the phrase "knowledge is power?" It's true in this instance as well. Having knowledge of what's happening emotionally, combined with knowledge of why it's happening, is like having a rope we can use to climb out of a pit. It's helped clients time and again to recognize when they've dropped into a pit of emotions, to get clarity on why they're in the pit, and to climb out of the pit so they can show up the way they want to for themselves and their loved ones- a victory for the best version of themselves.

Feel free to reach out for more information on the Best-Self Exercise.