Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn: Conflict and your brain

Take a moment to think about a recent conflict you’ve experienced with a person of significance in your life. Recapture the moment in your mind’s eye, feel the feelings, remember your thoughts and the words that were spoken. Do you recall a moment when your logic went out the window and your emotions took over?

In that moment, you likely experienced the wild ride of the amygdala hijack. In the blink of an eye, your amygdala (aka. your primal protector) took control and told your prefrontal cortex…“hold my drink.” You moved from a thinking state of mind (slow, careful, steady wins the race) to an action state of mind (Play dead! Run! Shield wall! Ready, aim, fire!). While our amygdala’s job is to keep us alive, her methods are not the most effective in modern day conflict.

With training and practice, we can calm our primal protector and bring our prefrontal cortex back online. Your amygdala just needs a little reassurance from your parasympathetic nervous system that death is not actually imminent.

Most of the conflicts we face today require critical thinking and creativity, both prefrontal cortex processes. Even in the most heated conflicts, even when the other party won’t play fair, even when all seems lost and vital relationships are on the line, we are capable of creating options and solutions that transform our challenging situations into opportunities!

Divorce is one of the most common (and often hostile) conflicts of our time. In the conflict of divorce, your primal protector is likely on high alert. However, solutions are found using critical thinking and creativity, and my work as an Alternative Dispute Resolution Divorce Coach is to help you get through your divorce with your prefrontal cortex leading the way!